Try having your parents die. Being the executor of their estate going threw the courts for a year and half fighting for your families home and belongings just to find out that some lawyer cunt is taking everything you hold dear. Not to mention not dealing with the deaths, the pain, the sadness. Trying to keep it togeather for everyone else. My brothers my sisters my daughter. Telling them everything is going to be OK when I don’t even belive it. People are always saying how strong I am. How I’ve handled all of this is an amazing feat of some kind. I’m sick of it! I’m so fucking sick of not being able to breath. I’m sick of jumping out of my skin every time someone knocks on my damn door! I’m sick of standing in the shower crying myself to throwing up because of the anxiety. I’m sick of being “strong”. All I want is my mother and she’s gone! And it’s not fair! None of this is fair! Why couldn’t I have realized how awesome life was before? How easy everything was. Atleast if this were my fault I would have myself to blame. There’s no one to blame. No one to take the pain away no one to cry to. This is a burden I must bare alone. I don’t know how much more I can take.
I feel so empty most of the time. I’m that girl that feels alone in a crowded room. But yet I’m the life of the party. Wish one person, just one could see threw my daily phacade.
Every word that your saying is killing me. I’m not going to show it. I’m just going to stand here and smile.
Needing an ana buddy/coach …..
I love Collarbones, the are beautiful
☠ sad thin blog ☠